I was asking the wrong question !!

While i was struggling with postpartum depression, I used to get up in the middle of the night fand feel so scared that something bad was going to happen. I used to have these thoughts like "Will my baby be safe?" "Who will take care of my baby when I am gone?".

I remember getting up and going to see my husband, who was asleep in the hall, and I had this urge to wake him up and ask him "Will you take care of my baby if I am not there?" and I wanted to tell him that I am not feeling good, I am scared and confused, and I don't know what is going on with me. Every night I used to wake up with these thoughts, and every time I used to stare at my husband sleeping, contemplating whether I should wake him up or no, and then i would decide against it and go back.

Staying awake and fighting with these thoughts, the only thing keeping me calm, was looking at my baby boy sleeping so peacefully beside me, I used to hold his hand, and just pray for some strength and warmth. I often broke down crying and used to ask my son "Will you take care of me?".

As the months passed by, it became a ritual to calm my aching heart and exhausted mind. Every night I used to ask him " Baby, will you take care on Amma ?" and my precious baby boy used to say " Yes".

At that time, i didn't realize I was probably asking my 2 year old boy the wrong question. That question made me feel weak, unconfident, dependent and victimized. I didn't want my child to remember his mother that way.

Its was only when I took steps to take help for my mental health and worked on myself that I realized my mistake.

Now I ask my son the correct question everyday "Is Amma taking care of you well?" and everytime he says "yes." I feel happy, loved, confident and empowered.

"I am tired" 

"I don't have mood to play today"

"I can't"

"I am stressed, Can't you understand when I say No"

"we will do it later, don't disturb now"

"I couldn't do it now, you do by yourself"

" You should feel privileged, I didn't get all this when I was a child"

Such sentences, when spoken on a daily basis, don't impart any wisdom: they teach your child its ok to be lazy, procrastinate, lethargic, inactive.

Work on yourself, cultivate good habits, and create an encouraging environment for the child.

"Amma had to work extra today. Can I take 10 minutes of rest? we will definitely play cricket later."

" Today, we won't be able to go to the park. Amma has to cook; can we play something else, and we will go to park tomorrow?"

" I am feeling sleepy. Can I tell you only two stories today and after that we will  sleep?"

Validate their feelings, alternate with something else that's equally fun, and make them feel like they are the decision makers.