Will he remember ??

Leaving their weeping child to go to work is one of the hardest decisions a mother must make.

There are days when my son happily waves me off, days when I have to try to explain and persuade, and days when he cries and says no.

The days he tells me Amma, no, don't go to office. I want to come with you too, and as I am sitting helplessly on the staircase trying to make him understand that Amma has to go to work and she can't take you to work with her, is the most heartbreaking moment.

On those days, I just have to be strong to plan my escape when he gets distracted. It works most of the time, but one fateful day my son was so adamant he refused to accept, get convinced, or get himself distracted. It was a hard sight for me as a mother, and I had no choice but to run when I got the opportunity. I was hiding below the staircase, and I could hear him scream and shout.

My heart was hurting, I simply wanted to get back and hug him. I was torn.

As I waited for a few more minutes for him to calm down a little so I would get the strength to walk away, it never came; I could still hear his cries.

But I decided not to give in; I should trust that he will be ok and that he can manage.

As I kept walking away from the sound of his cries, I was hit with mom guilt. Is it all worth it? Should I just quit? Should I go back and console him? What should I do?

As I decided to move away and walked towards the main road, I saw a school bus passing by and remembered a conversation I had with my friend. She was expressing her emotions when she had to leave her son at school for the first few days and how her son was crying out to her, and the teachers advised her to leave. If parents stay, the kids won't be able to calm down. They told her they would take care and asked her not to worry.

And in that moment, I realized that aren't these important lessons that the kids have to learn. He has to learn that parents go to the office, he needs to go to school, guests need to return to their homes, broken toys cannot be fixed, and you cannot drink spilled milk .... These lessons have to be learned the hard way.

It also made me realize that kids don't have memories of these early days. After i reached my office, I took out my phone and messaged among my community and friends, "what was the earliest memory they had?" and to my astonishment, every one messaged that they could vaguely remember when they were 5 or 6 years old, and everyone talked about a happy memory.

As part of my profession, I talk to mothers every day, and most of them experience mom guilt. The truth is, your child won't even remember, and you are letting your whole day get ruined because of it.

It's heart breaking; I don't deny that, but can we let go, forgive, and forget and not let it consume us and alter our self worth?

TedX speaker Brene Brown beautifully says all we can give our children is "love and a sense of belonging."

So after I got back home, he seemed happy. I went up to my son hugged him and told him thank you.    "I know you were crying when I went to office today, I love you. See, Amma came back home, I told you that I will come back home. Do you want to go down for a walk, or do you want to play cricket?"

Please free yourself from mom guilt; it's ok to choose you; it's ok if your child is not agreeing; compensate with love. You are not a bad mother. You are an amazing human being. When it gets tough show kindness to yourself first.

Do let me know in the comments your earliest memory...💓